Posts Tagged ‘humour’
Lest Me Forget..
Me: So, is that really your real name, or just a pet name that you publicise?
Her: Naah, that’s just it.
Her (thought): IITian! Can’t come up with a better pick-up line than that!
Me (thought): Dammit, perfect. Now she’s never gonna go out with you! Whoever let her parents name her!
Some pointless conversations ensue. And then,
Her: So, you smoke?
Her (thought): I so hopes he asks me out now. We can sneak off for a while.
Me: No. Actually, i have this weird aversion to smokers and drinkers. Just develop this instant dislike for them. Dunno.
Me (thought): Now she’s totally gone.
Her: Oh. Okay then. Cya!
–
Later, the next night, as i walked past the Admin block, i can make out two familiar figures, heading in the other direction (thus, walking toward me).
Me (thought): Why the heck is that other girl with her? Shoo girl, shoo!
Girl won’t shoo. Obviously.
Me (thought): Think of something…Quick !
Too close to not say anything.
Me (looking at the other lady): So, you ladies collected your certificates?
Other lady: Blah Blah
Me: Blah Blah
Me (thinking): Why can’t you bring yourself to look at her, nut! Look, 10 degrees to the West, turn cadet!
Me and Other lady: Blah Blah.
Me: Anyway, hope you guys had fun here. Have a nice trip back!
–
Over the phone, some days later. The visiting delegates had returned to where they’d come from.
Her: Nut, couldn’t you just ask me out?
Me: Nut, couldn’t you just ask me out?
Her: Because…(supposed to be understood)
Me: Why’s the guy always gotta do the hard stuff ?! I can’t tolerate this hypocricy! First, you say that girls and guys must be treated equally. And then this !
Her: Laugh.
Me: Laugh. (Aargh !)
–
Memories. Techniche 2008.
PS. I know better pick-up lines. But it wasn’t my fault. Her name really is silly. I so totally won’t let her name her children. No !
Non-Vestigial
Part 1 of 2
[1]
I detest marriage ceremonies. So much so, that i’ve ordered my sister to elope with her boyfriend (i gave her the freedom to pick whichever one she likes from those 7 idiots tailing her…i won’t be fussy), get married, and return after 2 years, and declare her marriage then. Will save me the bother of the whole process of stand-on-the-stage-during-the-reception-like-a-jerk-and-smile-for-the-camera-a-million-times-even-though-your-butt-itches-like-mad-and-you-can’t-possibly-tend-to-it-no-matter-what. But now, that whole big plan has gone up in smoke. All thanks to BBC, and some voyeur journalist who was secretly filming an eloping couple on their honeymoon, and got more on his hands than he could have expected : here.
[2]
Then again, here i was, telling my sister to read the BBC everyday – nothing better to improve her english than a shudhh angrezzi site, eh? And then BBC sends me an email, requesting me to come down to London and teach their reporters some English. I was flattered and-all, but had to refuse. Sent them an apologetic email,
Dear BBC,
I am sorry, but even though i am totally awesome, what you ask of me is something even i can not achieve…it is but-impossible for me to teach English to a writer who refers to a wrongfully bunch-of-dead-man, stating that they all may still be innocent. This, i state, with reference to the headline of this article. I mean, the headline says “Hanged Sudanese may be innocent”. Must i understand that they are still hanging by the rope, and thus innocent ‘in the present tense’, or what?
Again, i’m very sorry. But as you can see from the blog-post in which i have copied the contents of this letter – i am useless when it comes to writing, or anything related to teaching your writers how to refer to a dead person in the past-participle.
Please feel free to approach someone else. I won’t mind. :)
Love,
Jobless-twerp.
[3]
In other stuff, i came across a press release from North Korea, about how it “had previously threatened that any criticism of the rocket launch would cause it to walk away from the negotiating table.” Last i heard,
[1] North Korea fired some sidey pointy thing that went up in the sky and went “poof!”
[2] USA criticised it. China and Russia did a lot of ho-hum and basically didn’t do anything. And again, USA cajoled the UN into firing criticism at North Korea.
[3] Guess what happened next?
Yeah. Absolutely right. :P
Part 2 of 2
No, i haven’t forgotten part1 of this. I guess, i can try my hand at using (wannabe-)humour as an aide, rather than some vestigial thing.
So, here’s why i actually wrote what i did write what-i-wrote-above : Read the rest of this entry »
Uncovered : Real Reason Why Foreign Internships were Banned
You won’t believe how many people i had to cast a spell on, to be able to uncover the real reason behind the recent crackdown on IITian wannabe’s wanting to intern abroad. The girls i had to woo, and the guys i had to please…gosh, the sacrifices i had to make. But i guess it’s all worth it now.
I Lauv Flying
I lauv flying. Seriously.
Here’re a few points that just come off the top off my head:
[1] Let’s face it. Kingfisher is more successful because it has hotter air-hostesses.
All feminists, please bear with me.
[2] The aircraft will stop bang in front of the arrivals wing. Not 100 metres away. Even then a bloody bus pops-up to take us round-and-round (kindergarten revisited) on the tarmac.
[3] They seriously think Read the rest of this entry »
Aliens :P
All-too-often, nut-jobs like me end up seeing videos on YouTube, proclaiming how the world is going to end soon, and how aliens are going to rush in and wipe us out of existence. All-too-often, i’ve seen videos with a caption below them (like this one):
“Never before have so many videos of alien aircraft been made. These increasing occurances are proof that aliens are visiting earth more and more often. And soon, they shall kill us all. Be prepared…”
Dramatic, no? But then, i wonder, the real reason why videos of aliens today are larger in number than the number of videos in… say 1437 …is probably because,
there were no video cameras back then.
Along parallel lines : more and more videos of people doing-it are being made today than ever before. Never before were so many videos seen or recorded. Does that mean that people didn’t do-it in 1437 A.D.?
Hmmm…
benaam post
just saw this on a friend’s status message [on a chat messenger]
hardware exam tomorrow. worst fears …
i wonder, was he referring to the ongoing mid-semesters, or was he referring to some other kind of hardware?
for either case, i do hope that the hardware doesn’t fail him. :P
ps. i dont have any readers under the age of 18 [that i know of]. so i guess, i’m good to go with such posts, no?
Dumness. The American Way!
Okay. This one’s for the laughs. Ram Sena’s threat before V-Day seemed to have gotten the writers at LemonDrop quite interested, and they put forth a cute little post on it. What i loved about the post was the term ‘militant outfit’ used to describe the Sena in the closing lines of the post. So apt, no? But then the post out-did itself, in a way even the authors could NEVER have imagined.
The American public jumped in.
