creativity has NO limits Wednesday, Jun 18 2008 

i had originally composed this as someone else’s homework assignment. but i guess i took a liking to the subject of ‘functionality versus utility’. the result, lies below.

creativity has No limits. however, it is often seen (as is the case whence directives and duties do not restrain an individual’s freedoms) that creativity is unfocussed. function and utility, thus, present means to harness the genius that a creator possesses, unto an end that is both, constructive, and aesthetic.

in much the same way that pairs are innately inseparable, creativity and its constraints, work in harmony. it would be impractical to build the most elegant bridge in the world, and abandon structural integrity in lieu of a curvaceous mould. on the flipside, it would be horrifically mundane for a buyer if the virtues of variety and uniqueness were entirely absent, and each home was simply a repetitive embodiment of functionality..

often it is seen, that an innovator, in his quest for brilliance, ignores functional constraints that dictate a structure. often, scenic bridges (a recent case in london - the millenium bridge) have not lasted 24 hours from their inauguration, since certain flaws had crept into their exuberant designs. then again, some of the stand-alone masterpieces of architecture are some of the most lacking structures when it comes to utility or practical-applicability. take the pyramids at giza, or the moai structures on easter-island in the pacific. in fact, these structures and their constructions are actually blamed as one of the causes for the fall of those civilisations. even so, no one regrets the fact that the pyramids exist, do they? :)

yes, coming back to functionality, i must reaffirm that, the so-called ‘limits’ imposed upon an architect’s (or any inventor, for that matter) designs are actually beneficial to his creations. it only matters upon the perspective he(or she!) adopts whilst complying with the guidelines; why not look upon each requisite as an added avenue unto further expression of genius?

originally : March 27, 2008

of apples and crows. greed illustrated. Tuesday, Jun 17 2008 

Greed, they say, is a vice possessed only by man. Animals, apparently, never suffer from immoralities such as greed. Tigers and such predators also possess the ability to take life at will; even so, a tiger will hunt only when needed, and at all other times, won’t hurt a lamb - not even if you stuck the docile fellow up the feline’s jaws. Life, it seems, devours only whence it is needed. Man, is an obvious exception - it would seem that his intelligence makes him eligible for such misconduct, for, there is no creature above him, that may set right his fallacies.

Now i’ll narrate a small observation, one i made over a sultry afternoon, not too long ago.

Even though hunger hadn’t quite been the cause for my gnawing it, the apple had obliged my stomach althesame. Having exhausted it of all it had to offer, i had no option but to dispose of it. Now, a dustbin is what a normal person would have looked for, innit? Not me. Being the complete jerk that i am, i just took aim at a car and shot the remnants out of my window. Predictably, i missed my target. By a few miles, maybe.

What i did manage to hit, however, was an innocent little mynah, some 20 feet away from the vehicle. It was understandable, then, that it recoiled, shrieked, and within an instant, had darted off in whatever direction it could - quite possibly, to get as far away from the assailant, in the event that i tried to aim for the car with some other sinister projectile, the next time around.

Now, mynahs, as everyone knows, never arrive alone. So, when the apple hadn’t done anything interesting for long enough a period of time, the victim’s accomplice flew in to investigate the projectile i’d ejected onto his friend. He’d been a silent observer all this while, but now that he smelled an opportunity in the midst of all this delirium, he decided to use it to his advantage - if there was food to be had, he’d have it.

It seems that i hadn’t done good-enough a job, and there was still something edible left in that apple. I whacked myself, and apologised to my tummy for my fickle behaviour. While i was preoccupied, the adventurous mynah also discovered that the impact had caused my apple to disintegrate into two, and a tiny bit was lying some distance away. His friend was still reeling from the shock of the impact, so the mynah dug into the larger bit, obviously hoping to cash in on his companion’s cowardice.

His misdemeanour might have gone unpunished, had i been the only observer to this silly turn of events : The errant human, his disposition unto the aggrieved mynah, and the mynah’s industrious friend - as they all performed this described set of events, a wily crow looked on, with no intention of letting the mynah’s have their fill. He, too, wanted to join the party.

Crows, they say, are probably the most intelligent things there are, after humans. Which, really, is not much of an achievement, if one were to go by the standards set by some humans. Anyway, crows are smart, and that’s all i need to tell you for now. I’ll return to this point in just a short while. Until then, go on reading, i wannah finish the tale i’d begun.

The crow was, as all crows are, much larger than the mynah, and his prescence wasn’t quite endearing to the little fellow. So, as the crow flew in, the mynah, though displeased, was forced to beat into retreat, and join his friend, just beyond the reach of the crow’s beak. The black bird had made a bee-line for the larger morsel of the apple, and seemed to possess far too much pride to associate itself with the littler piece, even though the latter had been lying unattended, and could have been procured without a fight.

The former mynah, by now, had fled - first, an errant projectile whammed into his stately self, and then, just as he had begun to regain his composure, a crow stepped in to threaten his companion - this was too much to take for our feathered fellow. The mynah scampered, out of fear that the black beast may tarnish his bodily self if he were to persist around its future meal. His friend, however, persisted, and even in retreat, he tried to treat himself to a share of the spoils, and silently moved in on the smaller fragment of the apple, whilst the crow was occupied elsewhere.

Meanwhile, the crow began to realise that the larger piece, had, by now, been stripped almost-bare, and only the endocarp and the seeds remained in it. Enraged, it turned around fuming, looking to hack the mynah, and win the small piece it had been eyeing. Pity, however, for the mynah was long-gone. And with it, the crow had lost what could have been, a delicious meal. Greedy for more, and unstoppable, it’d given up the smaller piece, allured by the seemingly larger, but hollow, morsel.

Crows, they say, are probably the most intelligent things there are - certainly the smartest birds. Humans, are the smartest mammals. It’s lucid, then, that both would take to greed almost naturally, and lay their hands (or beaks) on whatever they do not possess and scarcely need. Little wonder, it is, that they tend to abandon the littler joys in life, questing for abject largecies, and ultimately, die, still searching for more, and possessing none of value.

Crows, and Men.

Similarly intelligent. Similarly foolish, even more so.

This fallacy in men has often been employed, down the ages, by wiser men, to bring about the downfall of the greedy. An attractive woman, consorts with the lad, and whilst he lusts for her, he scorns his trusted lover. The wanton, meanwhile, moves on to another fellow, leaving our hero shattered - in his failed quest, he’d given up on his one true love. The legendary tale of Pandora’s Box, is yet another striking example of what greed can do to a person. I wonder if Men will ever stop lusting foolishly. I wonder.

Of Low Probabilities, and Defects Sunday, Jun 15 2008 

Life experiments with itself. Tiny defects crop into the molecules that drive life, and often fail. But every once in a while, a defect turns Life itself around. Mutation, the biologists call it. Over time, it gets slated as Evolution. What causes these defects to crop into the mosaic of Life, is one question that could be answered. However, the fact that these defects DO crop up, and seem to work, albeit with miserably low probabilities, is worth noticing here.

If Philosophy is not what you tend to palate frequently, i’d sincerely suggest you move onto another post; for this one is rather, well, top-heavy. :)

Probability, is yet another thing that captures my interests. No, i wasn’t the least bit good at that particular chapter, and it’s not like i intend setting my inadequacies right, either. It’s just that the universe seems to enjoy working with Low Probabilities in a manner that is, well, quite exceptional. Yes, the universe has way-a-lot of space, and all the time it needs, so even low probabilities produce results that are so pronounced, that we hardly think about Probability as the puppeteer pulling strings behind all the astounding observations that we make.

Far-flung molecules have close to non-existent probabilities of colliding, yet, whence they do, over billions of years, they form everything we observe in the universe. Simple laboratory experiments reproduce all those observations, in environments that impose upon the molecules, far higher probabilities of colliding.

Switching back to Life. I like to think that Life on Earth, began on Earth. And out of entirely natural causes. Even if it was seeded by an external life-form, that protagonist’s Life would have begun in a natural fashion, ‘coz, ultimately, there was no Life at the moment when the universe exploded into existence from condensed mass and energy (forgive the looseness in my wordings, dear physicists).

And as several biologists would agree, Life began because Probability worked wonders. Molecules collided, a very few proved to be stable, and as more collisions occurred, you eventually landed up with a group of molecules, which, when they concurred, interfaced with substances in such a manner as to replicate themselves. Yes, those mechanisms are much too complex to be completely expressed by researchers, today, but it’s only a matter of time for even that to happen. Even so, the hypotheses are very much believable.

And all this worked at miserably low probabilities, even taking billions of years, until that first set of replicating molecules turned up. Life, ironically, had been Born.

But who’s to say that that was the only set of molecules that Life originated from? After all, Probability never stopped working once Life began. Other molecules still interacted with that pioneering set (or, it’s daughter sets), and produced slightly varied results. Some collisions might have changed the composition of the molecules in the set, producing several different results, though, mostly non-productive. Low probabilities came into play all-over-again. Every once in a while, a slightly different set of molecules managed to replicate itself as successfully as the original set. Or maybe the parent mechanism (that created the primary set) came up with a new set of molecules that gave birth to a new form of Life.

As we readily observe today, variations in DNA and all slightly-different life-forms are just a magnified observation of those initial differences between the molecules of Life. One may even refer to these differences as lucky Defects, that worked out to be successful. Most defects, as i showed, failed, as low probabilities dictated. The lucky ones went on to create whatever Life there is.

When a change, defect, crops into a set of Life-molecules, it is called a mutation. How it occurs, is simply a repetition of what i have already stated above. Molecules from outside might interfere with the original set, or conditions may change so as to cause some malfunctioning in the mechanisms that drive life, thus producing a slightly different set of molecules than the original, or maybe even deforming the original set. Most commonly, these mutations don’t quite work out, killing the Life-form they cropped up into (generally observed as, but not limited to, a cell, or an inter-dependent group of cells). Every once in a while, the mutation allows the life-form to persist, and go on to make a different set of life-forms from the original.

If i were to rephrase all that i have stated, it would be thus:
Defects crop into any mechanism in nature, and every once-in-a-while, a defect works out to bring about a successful change in the system.

Moving onto the second part of my essay.

We have a set of doctrines that drive nature - specific interactive forces, and all such principles, that must be followed in every occurence in the universe. So essentially, the patterns observed in simple interactions of molecules, should also be observable in more complex situations, wherein a macro-set of molecules is at work. Yes, the whole thing would be all-too complex, BUT, the patterns could be picked up, if we were to look well enough. Hence i’ve begun to believe, every pattern in nature is inherently repetitive.

Molecules concur, to produce a set (system) that works in a specific mechanism, which, if unsuccessful, results in a disintegration of the system, and the molecules go on to try again, to yield a stable system. Essentially, systems will always fall into place, whenever any set is forced into existence, whether it is a set of molecules, or a set of people. Yes, People. These are precisely those very-complex systems that we could try finding patterns in. And the pattern i’m looking for, is that of Successful Defects. And if possible, we should try to convert the low probabilities of success among defects, into higher ones.

Now reread the opening paragraph of the essay. “Every once-in-a-while, a Defect turns Life itself around.” What if, we could make such defects occur more frequently that they normally do? Low Probabilities, after all, can be bypassed, if the conditions are controlled correctly. We already do this in our Laboratories, whence we work with molecules. Imagine if we could modify conditions to make mechanisms of Human-interaction more effective.

For now, i close this essay, until the time that i may be able to begin finding the ways in which i may make my propositions work.

sabbatical. Monday, Mar 24 2008 

The extended weekend is over. And i think i’ve written stuff i’ll actually like to read. So i’m happie!

Now, i look forward to two weeks of frantic work, followed by one week of studying, and then one week of exams. Then, assuming nothing goes wrong, i can look forward to spending May on Everest and in Gokhyo Valley. I just hope i manage to prepare sufficiently for the trip.

So ya, a sabbatical from blogging is on the cards.

I hope to return to posting in June. By when my summer vacations would be on. And hopefully i’d have passed all my exams!

ciao.

cycle ride. iitg. Sunday, Mar 23 2008 

Last night saw me on a date. Just me, and my cycle. We drank to freedom. And to sadness.

My campus is splendid; 700 acres of bliss, they’d say. Then again, disrepair is a flaw so inherent in Indian society, that degrade is a visitor who just couldn’t be kept out.

Summer is on its way. And even the sporadic showers can’t stall the inevitable. The birds have left; the Siberian migrators were here for but a few days - i didn’t even get to observe them at length. The lake surface is vacant, and the ripples seem morose. The lake-sides have been cleared under the pretext of cleanliness drives, revealing the barren earth below - for once, i long for weeds to return. As if nature’s own measures hadn’t left me depressed, humans have gone on a construction spree, and marshes have been filled. Mountains have been carved away, to provide for the death of the marshes.

Trees are condemned to a handful of hillsides, wherein scoundrels await; axes poised in hand. Each dawn brings news of yet another bereavement. Freak-fires sequentially bludgeon whatever hope i toil to gather. Even the rains seem to pose as harbingers of degradation. Of tears. My single companion, that stood by me as i compelled myself to stay on at IITG, seems on the brink of death. I witness as pretence to development invites natural decay. Yet again, a paradise blooms unto noneity. Doesn’t anyone notice? Doesn’t anyone care?

So i rode. The wind caught my hair, smuggled itself into my jacket, and conspired to lift me off. And i obeyed. Freedom beckoned; seldom can i turn down an intoxicant so strong. I cycled faster than i ever had. And within, i wept. It’s weird, when you hate forcing solitude unto yourself, and yet, confirm to remain that way… So i was free. Unto what? The roads seemed empty. The shadows blank. The lights were dim, and there was no scent to follow. I’d died, and my freedom presented unto me, sheer solitude. Complete hollow.

I was drifting away from the path i’d set out on, and i knew it. The road lay out before me, and still, there were far too many exits i’d ventured into. Laze, and short-sight. My nemeses, stood by me, as i drifted. And drifted… Slowly, i fell back onto the path i’d set out on. But my legs were heavy. And the muscles cramped. And i longed for a hand. Only to remember that i’d set out alone. And that’s the way it’d remain.

Big dreams. Too feeble a dreamer. Too feeble. Cheers.

phoenix. revisited. Saturday, Mar 22 2008 

I know where i’m going. And i know that i’ll never get to where i want to.

Humans, i like to believe, live to exist.

Exist. Full-stop.

Infact, we’re all driven by the simplistic motive to make more of our kind. I know it sounds pitifully boring (and kinda gross), but that’s a fact. Replication of the inherent bio-molecules is the single driving force behind all that we do. (I swear, no more bio from this point on.) Life, as a collective term, seems to baffle me on only this one aspect of itself. I don’t quite seem to grasp what the motive of all this existence is.

But then, i begin to figure.

Life doesn’t need to have any motive.

It’s just there. In much the same way that the universe is. It’s there now, and it doesn’t really matter what i believe that it all conspires to achieve. For all i care, the hypotheses pertaining to the contraction of the universe might be right, and in that case, all that i write now, will ultimately be lost, whence the universe shrinks back to the size of a point.

And this is where it gets interesting.

If there is no motive, there obviously can be no imposed limits on how we go about living our pointless existences, as long as we stick to letting humanity, and life in general, move on. So i guess it’d be quite right to become a drug-addict, marry a like-minded lady, have a bunch-o kids, and die happily ever after. I don’t think i can classify such a thought as incorrect. Then again, it doesn’t quite seem correct either.

So where’s the catch?

There isn’t one. And that’s the fun part…

However, humanity has woven itself a fabric that demands worthy existence. What ‘worthy’ really is, is not something worth delving into. In general, we’ve landed up in the present with a collection of dicta that help co-ordinate our co-existence. These rules make it easier to live together. And, coming back to my opening point, living in harmony essentially goes on to provide a better atmosphere for us to exist! (I’d promised no more bio, so i hope you get the point i’m trying to make here.)

Blah!

In essence, i don’t think a teen is wrong when he/she (it’d be quite a chore to keep referring to both sexes, so, when i type ‘he’, do understand, willya) longs to rebel and do as he wishes. It’s quite natural, since life inherently searches for alternative means of existence. It helps, since, often, set patterns are redundant and flawed. This innovation (rebellion, of sorts) helps look for a better alternative. Most often, the search fails, and often, the results are quite a disaster, but sometimes, it succeeds. Life, ultimately, works with probability in a manner no mathematician can.

Yet, it tries, to succeed. (Think about it)

Having laid the groundwork, let me move onto this. It’s obvious that we can choose how we wish to live. Yet, it’s real nice if we can make our existence worth-a-mention. Yes, ultimately, all that a man (or woman, for peace’s sake) does is interred with his bones. Even so, since there is nothing to be gained from living a selfish and undirected life, it’d really do one no harm to live it for a motive that helps others in the process too.

One may be obliged to argue that (ultimately) we’ll all be an inconsequential point whence the universe collapses. And that question brings me to my next argument.

If we all adopt such an apocalyptic view, it’d actually be best (practically speaking) to commit mass suicide. Seriously (!), if, in the big picture, all life has no meaning, it’s best to end it right away, and prevent all such nonsense from marching on, isn’t it?!

The truth is, that no one knows, for sure, that life has no meaning. In much the same way that no one knows that life does have a meaning. So i suggest that we try to make the speck that our lives are a little more worthwhile. And this is wherein my respect for religious texts finds its roots : what’s written in those books (if one can smugly ignore the pointless sermons) is actually quite nice. Well, i won’t sermonise. I’ll just say that it’s often easier (and quite apt) to follow what those texts say, instead of being a fool (me!) and think on topics such as this one.

But, no matter how thoroughly you read those texts, do try not to get misdirected into believing that god does exist. (sorry, couldn’t resist)

Moving onto the terminal point of this post, here’s what many people often profess : “We don’t know where we’re going. But it’s always nice to make the journey a pleasure.” This is a brilliant philosophy for normal people, in much the same way that religious texts are actually a boon for people. Pity that i’m a total fool who thinks a wee bit differently.

I know where i’m going. And i know that i’ll never get to where i want to.

But that’s what spurs me on. B’coz my one single motive in life is to make others see as to where it was that i’d intended to go, and give them the choice to make it their aspiration too. I don’t care about how my journey is, as long as the destination is, ultimately, realised.

Guess i’ve said enough. Check out Phoenix if u’d care for more.

atheist. Friday, Mar 21 2008 

I’ve wasted 3 days. And most of my resolve stands crumbled. As to what the resolve was (or maybe, still is), is out-of-context. So tonight, i’ll write. With no intent. I just want to spend time. While it away. And then weep.

I’m an atheist.

And the best part about it is that every time i write atheist, i need to look up a dictionary to confirm that the ‘i before e except c‘ rule stands shattered. I guess that defines atheism - make an exception, and let it be rooted in sense. Phonetics, in this case, decries such an exception.

Primarily, i think it’s high time that theories of genesis, that define the creation of man, must be abandoned. (I’m not even gonna attempt justify this, and if someone disagrees with me on this front, trust me, the rest of my post is, for you, pure gibberish.)

So, man evolved. From some primitive being, which came from an even earlier one, and so on. Suggested (and kinda verified) theories propose that the turning point in evolution of known life came when amino acids and such molecules began (learnt?) to replicate. Maybe that is what god induced. Maybe not.

But the bottom point is - most religious texts rely on enforcing onto a reader the belief that god created man, and hence man is obligated to follow god’s policies, which the text will eventually go onto elaborate. (Sometimes i wonder why it is that these texts only pertain to man. Are the women free to do whatever they wish? In which case, someone please suggest me a doc who’ll morph my gender. Or suggest me a government clerk who’ll change ‘M’ to ‘F’ on my birth certificate, for cheap.)

And now, i change the topic abruptly.

I distinctly believe that all religions are good. And that belief in god is not incorrect.

In much the same way that most people on campus believe that me and a girl are going out.

It’s all quite a lie (come on, no lady’d be so foolish), and yet, it gives people something to talk about. Some thing to cling onto. Something to believe. In most ways, religions are a source of strength for people. They provide something definitive that an individual can follow.

Actually, it’s quite tough to be an atheist. For instance, when i’m in trouble, there really isn’t any god i can call upon, and no real prayer that i can mutter that’ll help take my attention off the depressing matter at hand. Nor is there any decree whatsoever that tells me that i should work towards the uplifting of mankind. Frankly, atheism is a hollow, and i’d really not suggest it to just anyone.

Bear in mind that i’m not quite making any definitive statements here. It’s simple, really. I have beliefs, and others have them too. It’s but-natural that i find my beliefs more correct, but i also realise that whilst i am free to make my own choices, i probably can’t do so for others. Atleast, not yet. Yes, i do look forward to a time whence i can enforce some of my beliefs onto others, but that, i’m afraid, is not an issue i can let my blogging digress onto.

Yet, this is my blog. And i think i bear the right to say this.

The existence of god is not true, not in the least.

However (i’d like to add), an individual’s belief in such an entity, is not quite incorrect, as long as it inspires him/her (notice how i’m not chauvinistic, unlike most religious leaders) to live. And live purposefully. What exactly i mean by purposefully is an entirely different discussion, and is one that i don’t think i can do justice to through written words. Actually, i’m quite eager to find someone who i can argue with on what socially acceptable means; because, both the terms, ’society’ and ‘acceptable’ are quite unclear in definition, if not downright undefinable.

Lastly, notice how the word society is yet another brilliant exception to the rule of ‘i before e except c‘. I like to believe that this is because it is an incorrect term, and not only because phonetics requires so. Hence it has to be spelt incorrectly.

My my, am i speaking crap!

the screening. Sunday, Mar 2 2008 

We had a movie marathon today (more like, yesternight). A bunch’o friends. Doing nothing. And everything. It’s just beautiful the way you can watch a perfectly hopeless movie, and even laugh at completely bland humour, jus ‘coz the guy sitting beside you laughs.

Everyone’s clustered onto a tiny bed, no matter the fact that some of them might not have bathed for a period that spanned a fair bit more than a couple’o days. The way their bodies intertwine to accommodate both, the multitude of people, and the magnitude of the people, onto the dimensions of the bed, is just remarkable. I figure that’s what sets us apart as IITians - finding a perfect solution in times of dire need. :)

One guy has seen the movie before, so it’s pretty obvious why some of us have brought along scotch-tape. Only once he’s secured, does the movie begin. A 17″ Sony Vaio, supplemented with the tiniest of speakers, turned onto full volume in a 10×10 room, and all doors, windows sealed into complete darkness (room fresheners kept at hand).

Well, i must admit, a description of the comments passed during the screening (even though the movies were - in my opinion - perfectly U-rated), might cause this blog to get flagged.

Aa well…

Preceding any scene of note, the guy who’s gagged whimpers, (and trust me, we take due pleasure in making sure he doesn’t whimper again!) and then everyone begins to go into what i call ‘the mood’. Even the smallest scenes of note leading up to the climax draw immense adulation, and the littlest of humour results in a communal uproar.

The whole time, the screening is provided a background score, which is pretty simple really, but amazingly apt - an otherwise monotonous slow repetition of b*@&^!$od, with the term spanning exactly 1.2 seconds, with 3.6 seconds until the next recitation.

Yes, i don’t enjoy swears, but you gotta admit, when you’re with a bunch’o people, and if the guy can perform the recitation right, it really does add to the mood. All in good humour, eh?

O ya, then comes the climax. Well, the expressions of that moment are strictly censored. But yes, it still is amazing how everyone twists and turns and essentially ‘rolls in laughter’ and then the whole assembly falls back into place in the exact same configuration as before. I figure that’s an IIT-thing again; devise an arrangement in stable equilibrium, so that it returns to its virgin state no matter how much the turbulence.

Yes, there’s also the thing that the gagged-guy has been made to disappear completely in the intermittent span of uninhibited chaos : Given his magnitude, that goes a long way in aiding the return to stability.

I wonder what they did to him…

O yes, popcorn is a little hard to come by, but an assembly of maggi, cold coffee, biscuits, chocolates and sandwiches, more than makes up for it. And as i said, even the most hopeless of humour draws out laughs, simply because someone passes a witty comment. And the deathly silence that greets mushy scenes just goes to show how much we love good cinema.

Anyway, as the marathon draws to a close, and the weariness brought on by 4 movies end-to-end begins to express itself, everyone slugs off to their respective rooms; some are incapable of doing that, and we let them sleep. Ya, we make sure that we’ve clicked enough pictures of them, ‘coz they were sleeping in postures that’d put Gaylord Focker’s mother to shame.

Yes, Meet the Fockers was one of the movies. It’s prequel was one too. I’m sorry, i’m too intoxicated with the sandman’s stuff to recollect the other names.

no ado. Friday, Feb 29 2008 

We are not unacquainted with the thrill bartered at an examination’s funeral. And the exuberance is almost unparalleled if the emoting object in question is me. Yes, i don’t express much at all [yet, as i like to say, often the purest emotion is one that dwells within the heart, 'çoz expression dilutes the virginity of joy], unless, of course, the expression is borne in the company of a friend.

I’d always been a bad example of a good student. Somehow got the marks, but parents wouldav hated to have their wards follow in my footsteps. Never really studied except for on the last day prior to the exams. Here, in IITG, it meant that, for the first time in my life, i got to experience what a-not-so-well-prepared-pupil experiences.

Yes, my +2 days had seen me ill-prepared too, but those were times when i regretted my inability to work to even a zeroeth of my potential. These days, studies take a back-seat, mainly ‘coz i chose IITG only ‘coz i i had other priorities in life, and slogging pointlessly wasn’t one of them.

It does sound paradoxical, but the truth is that i long for a creative field. Something along the lines of architecture, or maybe even fashion designing. Or teaching - that’s one of my favourites. Yes, teaching is creative. Maybe i’ll write about that someday.

While my longings may present a slightly different picture, the truth is that i chose to come to IIT, even though the opportunity to study architecture at one of the best institutes had presented itself. I’m dying to present my reasons, but i’m sure no one’s gonna die of joblessness even if i don’t.

Aa well…I’m sure it may seem obvious by now that this post is poignantly unstructured, and even more so non-directional! But that’s the fun of it ~ i’ve said sooo much in the past paragraphs about myself, that if someone with a keener eye were to read it, they’d be appalled at how much i’ve written in but a few lines. As a clarification : No, the post is not an expression of regret, of any kind whatsoever.

As i said, this is one of the most insightful posts i’ve ever written. I wonder how many (if any at all) can really read this post.

Read.

That’s one of the most powerful of words.

one minute verse. Thursday, Feb 14 2008 

Arbit. Just made it up.

as you turned to me,
all i willed for
was to hold on
for now evermore.

then i turned away
as an autumn leaf,
cant hold us, myself,
cant share my grief.

hither i cant stay
coz here is joy,
and i’m condemned
forever to cry.

Pardon the shabbiness. I just wrote whatever came up. Have a quiz in 5 hour’s time, and it’d be suicidal to edit verses (sounds ironical, now that i composed one!).

pointless. Wednesday, Feb 13 2008 

Posts titled pointless are best left unread. They only help fulfil the definition of the blog-title, Crap.

(more…)

dwindling. Sunday, Feb 10 2008 

Friendship, today, is none but a hollow term. Whatever little i had begun to believe in friendship, now stands shattered. I’d always known that people are plain selfish: things that latch onto you guised as friends, and from beneath that visage, suck out all you have to offer, leaving you hollow, and lost. Lonely.

Hence i walk alone. It’s a lot more fun to know that everyone you believe in (read: yourself) will stand by you no matter what. I’ve stopped believing that others possess the ability to stand by me the way that i have always stood by them. It feels a bit quirky to hate everyone, but then its also immensely satisfying to know that there is no one half as human as yourself.

I can only thank my dear friends for always being there for me, and reinforcing the fact that they are all plain pointless, as far as my aspirations are concerned. Pity they’ll never know what i aspire to do. Or else, they’d stick to me even more, ready to suck out all they can from my future even.

Yes, there are a couple of people, for whose sake, i often begin to reassess this belief of mine. And i love them for it.

morning. mist. Saturday, Feb 2 2008 

It’s uncanny how a cold morning can annul the self-abomination pent-up enwithin.

I know my feeble words will never do justice to all my emotions from today morning. Yet, i try..

It had been a chilly morning. When i had entered the gym, at a quarter-past six, the sun had come up, and a sullen mist had hung about in the air. Once inside, i never really cared to look outside. It felt good, to be in the gym again, after half a year.
An hour post whence i’d entered, i crossed the threshold again, on my way out. Almost at once, i was engulfed.A white mist now shrouded the earth. I could barely see beyond a hundred metres or so. And it was cold. I zipped up my jacket, and cursed myself for being in shorts. I expelled the last breath of warmth from within me, and as it rose akin to a wisp of smoke, i prepared for my five minute tryst with the environs. Little did i know, dear nature had a treat in store for me. :)
…well, i had only as much time when i’d begun composing it…and even though i’d initially intended completing it…the job kept getting put off, and i never finished it…now the moment is lost. (Feb9)

yours truly. Sunday, Jan 27 2008 

P.s. i don’t usually swear, but then, i am prepared to make exceptions under exceptional circumstances. anything for the sake of yours truly.

It’s probably a universal law.

If thou art a freshman, thou shalt drive yourself (or, be driven by yours truly) to do jobs that a lazy-[censored] of a senior took up, but is too dumb to accomplish anyway.

And while i don’t relish it, i have come to terms with it. I find nothing wrong in it. To a limit, that is.

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visage. unmasked. Saturday, Jan 26 2008 

It took but a moment to kill.

He was a senior. Well, in terms of age, not very much so. But acedemically, yes.

It’s funny how they interpret Senior as infinitely Superior. Pity.

Senior. And one of the first i’d met since i’d arrived here it IITG, almost half an annum ago. Not really extraordinary in any directly perceivable sense. Even then, i found shards in his persona that gave me immense hope. Hope, that he would not turn out to be yet another pointless existence. I must admit that i’d initially longed for us to be friends.

But soon it dawned on me: Senior.

No matter the fact that we were about the same age. No matter the fact that we shared some common traits. No matter the fact that both possessed a common passion. No matter the fact that we wouldav been more than just peers (please, i am straight; control that imagination of yours) had we been introduced elsewhere. The plain fact that the society (yea right!) prevalent here normed otherwise, and the fact that he had no qualms in going-with-the-flow, established that our interactions would almost always be devoid of exceptionals.

He came across a silent fellow. I use the italicised words to clarify that this is what i observed. It might as well have been the visage he put up. His persona.

Persona: The aspect of a person’s character that is presented to or perceived by others. (by definition)

They wise say that one is perceived as smart, until the instant one opens his mouth. He was a silent fellow. Maintained his silence, and spoke only when spoken to. Let the others talk. And observed them while they did so. Observed. That, above all, was his one quality that won my admiration. My respect.

Everyone has failings. And endeavours to keep them secret. For, when they emerge unbound, they endanger all that we have struggled to build. Endanger our image. Our dignity. Cripple our personae.

It all took but a moment to kill. The porch i set him upon was shattered.

Senior. He got carried away. Began to believe that he was superior, and that it was his right to see me bow before him. I’d respected him. Respected his silence. They say a man is great so long as his lips stay sealed. How true. Because, for the one time he bowed to his predicament, i realised that he was but despicable. Pity i judge IITians based on their ability to appreciate talent and not just idol-worship their own.

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